Digging up parts of myself


So, I’ve been trying to apply to some veteran programs in the effort to better my life situation. I cannot, for the life of me, find this apparent page 2 of my DD214. It’s the critical one that should state my separation status as Honorable, hence proving my eligibility for said programs. I went through all my filling cabinets, my safe, and pretty much the entire house. Only three possible locations remain: a box of art and photos, a travel trunk in storage, or some records department at Camp Pendleton, CA.

I thought I might have stashed it in a photo frame of other military stuff. At one point in time, I used to have an “I Love Me Wall” where things like degrees, letters of commendation, and my official letter of separation were displayed. 

Well, I checked off this box and found no photos at all. Just some drawings from years ago. I don’t recall much of what’s inside, and most of that time frame has been forced out of the foreground of my mind. I almost don’t want to open it. 

Okay, I’m going to take 5 and then we’ll depart. . .

Oh man, I get it now. I don’t know why it took me so long to see why my instructor gave me this object to draw or why I was so attached to it. If I were my instructor looking for an object that represented me, I probably would have chosen it, too. 

This is where I discovered my love of negative charcoal drawing. I found this method really grounded me to the true way to let the art come through me rather than think about it. It’s like digging for fossils, slowly and carefully brushing away a little bit at a time to discover what’s beneath. 

Ah! Textures! I love textures! And they are so neatly displayed. I have a complex over textures, but I don’t know I’m ready to open those wounds. Moving on. 

Hmm. That’s odd. Was I so emotional over the rest of my drawings to have thrown them away? Well, maybe because I needed that door to stay closed. No good digging up a grave, I guess. I’m happy with these few, I hope you’ve enjoyed them as well! 

Author: Goose Andeluse

Compulsive maker and fowl carpenter.

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